May 23, 2007 @ 4:10 PM
omg finally someone updated scholarz blog! it has been untouched for 10 weeks =X
ytd was cluster cleaning and we were damn damn disgusted can. i dunno how the hell our broom ended up in the peearesee's room!????! they bloody used it without OUR permission!? (but seriously, if they bothered to ask we still wont lend) to sweep their bloodily dirty room?! and the pantry looked like it hasn't been cleaned up for 10 years. wow. i think we wasted like close to 100L of water on the 5M square floor?! just to scrub it and make it look whiter? and some dear peearesee mate of ours nearly exploded the microwave on tue night by overheating some dunno wad shit which caused yellowish, unremovable stain in the microwave. GREATTT.
argh peearesees stories aside.
im quite moody these few days. not the 24hour pms sort of bad mood, it's just that sense of detachment frm family that bugs me at random intervals of my life.
my cousin is getting married this sunday, THIS sunday okayy. and i juz knew it last week, NOT because my mum told me, but bcos i so happened to ask if they're gg anywhere this weekend. great. well, it's just going to be a simple 3 table family dinner, not any sort of proper wedding since his girlfriend is already PREGNANT (!!!) and stuff like that. my first reaction was 'WOW!!' but as soon as that happened, i was already overwhelmed by this tiny little voice in me that went like "so am i the last one to know?". im going to have another niece/nephew in 5 months time and yet i haven seen my sister-in-law before. if i hadn't asked, i think my mum had no intention of informing me at all, until i go home 2 weeks later and find myself totally strange to this pregnant lady in the house.
tuesday night puisee msg me. i was so excited cos i haven been chatting with her for ages. she was telling me how the hell is he gg to support a family when he cant even feed himself?! and at the same time i found out my youngest uncle is going to have his second child. again, my mum dint tell me anything.
sometimes i find it really really strange..ok maybe she thought it was no big deal, but apparently she dint realise that little things like that mean a hell lot to me, someone who is away from home and family. i dont understand why am i always the last to know about everything? well, im confident that she dint do it intentionally, but still.. mum, it hurts.
like my grandma for example, you wont ever understand how horrible i felt when i found out she passed away, bcos i only knew on the day after she was buried and after my parents had returned to KL. well, my mum said she dint want to affect me cos i was going to have a test the nxt day. but didn't it ever cross her mind that i'll be more worried, not less, when i know i cant count on my loved ones to be frank and tell me everything thats happening in their lives? it's afterall what im part of and i feel that i have the right and responsibility to be in the know.
ahhh im just lacking the sense of security i guess. security of being part of the family and the recognition that comes with it.
gosh im feeling horrible. it's a kind of moodiness that's very hard to describe. not exactly sad, not quite angry, not disappointed either..it's a feeling that's harder to endure than any of these. or maybe it's a complicated mix of everything?
im hoping it's just a process of growing up.